32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
