Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
