I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
