I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize