we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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