i already hear my dad disowning me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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