A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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