So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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