yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
