The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
