I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
