my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
