you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
