O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
