dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
