just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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