I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
