I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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