There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
