How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
