I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
