you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Randomize
