I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
