This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
