well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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