My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
