i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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