I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
