Christians are straight up FREAKS
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
