did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are we still banned from the library?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
