I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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