Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
