PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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