so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
