I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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