Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
