Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
