Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
