You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
