I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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