i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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