he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
