Your face is a jimmy john
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
