I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
