just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize