Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
