my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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