i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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