Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
40s are totally the cure
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
