Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
