and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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