the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
