Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my liver is dry heaving
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
