I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize