they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
