Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
