dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
