After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
