you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this just has baby written all over it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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