If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize