the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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