I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
