he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
