You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
