I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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