Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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