Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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