why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
