do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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