Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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