I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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