From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
