So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize