no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize