Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
