you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
