im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
