I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
