remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
