I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize