we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
