I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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