I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
