you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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