Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
