I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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