I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
