I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
