More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
