I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
